Even before the coronavirus crisis, depression was one of the most common mental health disorders in the world.
So, how can you support your loved ones in need?
And what are the right and wrong things to say to someone who has depression?
“This is frequently experienced as a sense of isolation and neglect.
Rather, you might encounter resistance (a defense mechanism).
By simply checking in on them, you may alter one of their distorted thoughts (i.e.
It provides a counterpoint to the flood of insecurities and self-loathing the depressed person is otherwise constantly experiencing.”
Whats more, by checking in and opening up a dialogue, youre also helping to de-stigmatize mental health.
“What people really want to know is that they’re not alone and that somebody cares.”
Yes, its that simple.
But, hey, youre human and slip-ups happen.
Maybe you started to sound a little like a lecturing parent.
Or perhaps you started offering unsolicited and unhelpful advice (i.e.
“have you tried meditating lately?").
But it’s powerful medicine.”
Its Not Just What You Say, ButHowYou Say It
Sometimes delivery is everything.
“People know when things are not genuine; we can feel it,” says Westbrook.
And venture to see them in person (even if six feet apart).
If you might’t see them in person, he recommends a video call over a call or text.
What to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed
Show care and concern.
Try saying: “I wanted to drop by because I’m concerned.
You seem depressed [or ‘sad,’ ‘preoccupied,’ etc.].
Is there anything I can do to help?'”
Offer to talk or spend time together.
social distancing, mask-wearing) are still possible.
Suggest going for a walk together or grabbing a cup of coffee.
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Be their #1 fan (but don’t overdo it).
Now’s your time to show them why they’re so valued and loved without going overboard.
Cant find the right words to say?
Simply ask how they’re doing.
Allow them to open up and really listen.
“Think before you respond,” says Leaf.
This way you do not react impassively."
“When in doubt just listen don’t speak and never advise,” says Dr. Herrick.
Obviously, you don’t want to be totally silent.
Think: “I know how much this sucks; I’ve been here, too.”
…and if youre concerned for their safety, say something.
Sometimes particularly when it comes to safety you just have to be direct.
“Explicitly ask if they have thought, or are thinking, about hurting themselves or killing themselves.
No, this will not cause someone to consider committing suicide who had otherwise never given it a thought.
But it might cause someone who is thinking of suicide to take a different path.”
“People are afraid that [asking] is going to give someone a [suicidal] idea.
What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed
Don’t jump into problem-solving.
“Don’t offer solutions unless this is requested.
Of course, it is fine to say something like ‘Do you mind if I suggest something?’
but avoid making it a problem-solving seminar.”
“Avoid turning the conversation toward you or any advice you have.
Remind them that there are experts that have a multitude of tools to help them feel better.
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Don’t place blame.
“Blaming isnevergoing to be the answer,” says Westbrook.
Avoid toxic positivity.
This is a form of gaslighting.
(
Never Say “You Shouldn’t Feel That Way.
Again, this can be considered gaslighting and is simply not helpful.
“Remember, their depression is not the same as the clothes they wear.
But don’t tell them they should not be depressed,” says Talley.
We want to [help] remove the depression so they can get back to who they are.”
Even if you’re met with resistance, they need you more than ever right now.
