As with most things that people experience, emotional availability or unavailability is not so cut and dry.
What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?
Everyone is born emotionally available, says Fehr.
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It’s the experiences along the way that can take that availability and flip it on its side.
“A child fully feels the wonder of things and does not worry about disappointment.
Children do not have trouble dreaming or letting love in; they’re love sponges.”
What Causes Someone to Become Emotionally Unavailable?
If you are born open and available, what happens to someone who becomes emotionally unavailable?
This is something that is developed through negative life experiences, often at an early age, explains Fehr.
You might then view vulnerability (AKA emotional availability) as dangerous or disappointing.
For some, that means shutting down.
“Without support, children learn to shut down emotions to protect themselves.”
Is Being Emotionally Unavailable a Problem?
If, at this point, you’re asking yourself, “Wait, am I emotionally unavailable?”
you should continue to explore that curiosity.
Being closed up in this way is also a sign that you’re emotionally unavailable.
“You want to develop trust with someone who allows you to disclose your innermost experiences.”
The key is to eventually let that guard down when you develop a sense of security.
Some signals, according to Fehr:
Should You Date Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable?
Don’t hold back on whateveremotionsyou’refeeling.
Knowing this, don’t expect an epiphany if you still choose to enter into a relationship with them.
They’re not a project that will eventually come around when certain milestones occur or with longevity.
To be emotionally available is to allow yourself to live fully whatever that looks like for you.
Respecting the past allows you to learn from it and grow as a person and within your relationships.
