“At the time I had it all.
I had a good marriage to a Navy pilot.
I had a very exciting career in a technical field.
She was 40 years old.
She became an instructor in the area of casualty response, assistance and grief training.
At the same time she conducted outreach to Gold Star families.
“There is really a void in grief literature on military loss, Steen says.
Military grief is a much different phenomenon than a civilian throw in of loss, Steen says.
I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I called my wife.
Apparently, it was all over social media about a serious mishap in Al’s squadron.
Those first posts weren’t good.
Bad news travels fast, I guess.
Around suppertime, the Air Force came to our door.
He was one of nine squadron members who were killed.
The casualty team didn’t have too much to tell us about what had happened, though.
That part of the bad news didn’t travel fast.
Later that night, I sat alone in the dark, feeling utterly helpless.
The Air Force just notified us that our son was dead.
I told them I wanted to go to where Alonso was killed and help out.
But they said they had skilled personnel for just this purpose and everything was under control.
They assured my wife and me that our son’s remains would be coming home soon.
I told them they didn’t understand a boy always needs his dad when times are bad.
The extraordinary bonds between a parent and a child create a relationship unlike any other.
But you already know this from firsthand experience.
An Unnatural Loss
The death of your son or daughter violated the order of nature.
Your child was not supposed to die before you.
This isn’t how you counted on life to work out.
Most surviving parents do.
As these puzzle pieces are matched together, a bigger picture begins to emerge.
And so it is with the hundreds of losses that came from the death of your child.”
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