She’s Back
Millennial women are learning the hard way that leaders cantalwaysbe nice.
After all, it was easy for me to do: I was single and childless.
The idea that women in leadership are held to untenable standards is hardly new.
Again, thatslast year.
If they are too assertive, they are consideredabrasive and scheming.
If they are too nice, theyre seen asincompetent, less serious, and less capable.
To avoid the latter, many baby-boomer leaders leaned hard into the former.
and didnt do for me (sustain me, feed my spirit, keep me healthy).
Most managers I talk to agree that its great younger members of the workforce are redefining ambition.
The short answer is probably the woman managing you.
It usually wasnt worth the energy in that moment to correct them.
In fact, the trend is so pervasive that there are countless TikToks on the topic.
Take theone with the caption, pov that one millennial manager thats always going to bat for their people.
Its a back-and-forth with an employee, during which the managers workload grows bigger and bigger.
Forward me the email, the manager says, enthusiastically, assuring the employee shell take care of it.
and then chiding the employee for responding to emails while out sick.
If not, he says, he can just give the work to Roger.
There are consequences to absorbing an employees work.
We give our own managers the impression that they need fewer workers than they really do.
The coddling is a Band-Aid that doesnt really help anyone.
Rarely is it the top boss, the one earning the big bucks, who suffers from this dynamic.
As managers, were wading into new territory.
Looking back, I probably could have worked a few less late nights, but I dont regret them.
I have no delusions that I am the model to whom all employees should aspire.
I have bad boundaries and Im willing to go the extra mile just to keep peace.
To be fair, my work ethic has been an effective tool in climbing the ladder.
But Im also considered competent, a good manager, a creative lead, and a solid team player.
The solution, Im coming to realize, may be to reinvent the bitch boss.
I dont mean bring back the insufferable or toxic bosses of yesteryear, exactly.
This new boss bitch would provide the clarity her team seeks without fearing that shell be considered unlikeable.
This is a call to middle managers everywhere to restore the strength of our spines.
When I worked on political campaigns, it was when we were all aligned for launch day.
When we had a shared vision of success and everyone felt they were being treated and paid fairly.
Sometimes, on those days, I was a bitch high standards and clear objectives.
Other times, that required me to be nice and flexible while being honest and firm.
Our behavior as managers, now more than ever, cant always be to suck it up.
But we can always find ways to be righteous and sometimes bitchy.
