The relationship isn’t working, and you’ve known it for a while.
But then, a few months later, you… start hanging out again?!
Well, there are actually lots of different reasons many of which are quite common.
Photo: Getty Images - Design: Alex Sandoval
Grief is complicated and often felt intensely.
However, pain isn’t always wrong or bad.
You have a difficult relationship with being alone.
You’re convinced that being single will feel lonelier than being emotionally alone while in a relationship.
Often, this is not the case.
You feel guilty about leaving your partner.
For some people, putting yourself first is an unfamiliar experience.
You’ve been taught somewhere along the way that your own needs or best interest come after others'.
You are uncomfortable with the idea of your ex being with someone else.
It could mean you just haven’t fully healed from this loss.
Remember, it is normal to feel pain after a loss.
You’re being reactive to your emotions rather than sitting with them.
You convince yourself that maybe they’ve changed.
While change is always possible, real evolution requires time and effort and rarely happens all at once.
You’re seeking out familiarity and comfort.
Humans are instinctively drawn to familiarity because it can be perceived as safer than the unknown.
However, most of the time, there are one or more factors at play clouding your judgment.
You don’t need to act on your difficult feelings, you justneed to experience them.
Reflect on the purpose of the ending.
Your mind can be deceiving when you’re feeling alone or vulnerable.
Recall the reason(s) for the breakup, and why it made sense at the time.
The reasons likely still apply, but your anxiety is telling you otherwise.
Don’t ignore the red flags.
Check in with your emotions.
Ask yourself: “Were you feeling closer, or further from your authentic self while in that relationship?
Were your core values in life aligned with what you experienced while together?”
You may also want to consider: “Are you missingthisperson, or just being withaperson?”
Create boundaries with your thoughts.
If needed, you’re able to choose not to engage in a conversation with these intrusive thoughts.
Try not to internally talk back, fuel, or reason with them.
Healthy distractionsare also helpful when you’re feeling too overwhelmed to begin to process feelings.
(You just don’t want distractions to be the only coping mechanism in your toolbox.)
Give it time.
Time is inherently healing if we let it be.
