Its always disconcerting when a peer passes away.
Yes, theres the grieving.
But its also natural to look at the untimely deaths of others for clues about our own health.
What got them in the end?
Were they seriously overweight,lifetime smokers?
Were they mostly … just like me?
But what if Ive been ignoring the wrong organs?
Maybe my friends death was a canary in my personal health coal mine.
I needed to take my other organs seriously.
What could I do to extend their shelf life and by extension, my own?
I set out to have those difficult conversations.
It was like the movieFantastic Voyagebut with aMy Dinner With Andrevibe.
Me:Oh, sorry, I was just …
L:Hold it right there!
Nobody gets backstage body access without going through me.
Food, booze, medications, nobody.
[Eyes me up and down.]
OK, you seem mostly nontoxic.
Youre the gatekeeper here?
L:[Rolls eyes.]
Yeah, I man the front desk while doing more than 500 different jobs.
But the brain gets all the glory.
They put parts of Einsteins brain in a museum.
How can I help, other than cutting back on booze?
L:Well try not to drink like youre a Beat poet from the 50s.
But that cheesesteak isnt doing me any favors either.
For me to be healthy, you better watch your weight and cholesterol.
Ask your doctor abouttesting for hepatitis Ceven if you have no symptoms.
Eat high-fiber foods like whole grains and fruits and veggies.
So basically, you dont like anything fun.
L:Maybe if I got a day off.
Listen, have that cheesesteak every once in a while, but maybe dont make it a regular thing.
Have a few cocktails during the week just try not to have them all at once.
Pretend your body is a high-end hotel and nobody gets upstairs without me checking their credentials.
All Im asking is, dont invite all your rowdiest friends on the same night.
I only have so many hands.
Technically you dont have any hands.
L:Hey, youre the one talking to an anthropomorphic internal organ.
How do we know if youre overwhelmed?
Is that what liver spots are about?
L:Nah, thats a myth.
Those spots are actually just skin blemishes triggered by sun damage.
Nothing to do with me!
Its not a bad idea to get a hepatic function test as part of your annual metabolic panel.
Dont wait till I start pounding on your rib cage in protest to see if theres something wrong.
Your Lungs
The Busiest Organs
Me:Hello.
I wonder if I could
Right lung:No time to talk.
Were taking 17,000 breaths a day!
Six million breaths a year!
Hold on: A coughs coming.
[The room reverberates like its an earthquake.]
Left lung:No, its perfectly normal to cough occasionally throughout the day unless youre a smoker.
Plus, there are other threats everything fromair pollutionto secondhand smoke to radon.
Your best defense is a good offense.
Anything that fills us with oxygen is gonna help us keep healthy.
Sing along with the radio.
Blow up a balloon.
Laughter gets rid of all the stale air so we can pull in more fresh oxygen.
You wanna hear a joke?
What do you call a lung thief?
[Dramatic pause.]
LL: Im sorry, we need to get back to work.
[Whispers to right lung.]
Well discuss this later.
