Relationships
Rushing to end the argument can actually make the situation worse.
It started out as so many marital spats do: over the minutiae of household maintenance.
It was at that point I decided to take my husband on a tour of the house.
Finally, we stopped at the offending sneakers.
And then we fought.
But then we did something slightly unexpected: we went to bed angry about it.
Bury the hatchet as soon as possible, they say.
But upon further reflection and all-too-real lived experience, that advice is kind of crap.
And Im not the only one who thinks so.
PsychotherapistRachel Wrightalso has her beef with the maxim.
And thats because stress is, well, stressful.
Finally, there are practical limitations at play with this advice.
So why force yourself to tidy up an argument just because its bedtime?
And who relishes the chance to be horizontal and 10 inches apart from someone whos pissed off at us?
Although I abhor the advice to avoid angry bedtimes on the whole, its not totally without merit.
Its true that leaving disagreements unaddressed for too long can lead to bigger problems down the road.
Sans intervention, Wright says, repressed anger can snowball into mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
But even though she acknowledges the mantras benefits, shes not swayed.
It creates a sense of urgency that’s not needed, she says.
There’s a middle ground here.
And that middle ground?
Going to bed angry and dealing with your problem when cooler heads can prevail.
Hes proactive about doing the dishes and takes out the dog in the morning and at night.
Why was I judging him on his worst day and negating his best?
And thats a balm more soothing than even the best nights sleep.
