It’s A Pleasure
We made a pact, but it’s getting complicated.
My boyfriend has met them, but I havent told him about my past with these people.
Should I tell him the truth if were going to see these people regularly?
Or is it best left unsaid?
Because you both think the past is the past and therefore no big deal?
Or is it because jealousy issues abound?
Has one of you had a similar conversation go poorly before?
If you and your partner agreed to not talk about flings, does that also include long-term exes?
Because those might be in a different category potentially more worthy of a discussion.
Youre doing amazing, sweetie.
Especially if Im the only one in the dark.
But thats not the case for everyone.
Heres how a few different scenarios could play out.
If You Tell Him…
Your partner might get mad.
Youve already agreed to not talk about it, so hey dont feel guilty about holding back.
I would also think long and hard about being with a person like that.
(OK, I wouldnt think long or hard.
I would dump his (a**).
He might be a little bummed out.
And then move on.
You might say something like, I know we talked about not sharing info aboutour exes.
Is that still the plan?
I dont want to feel like were withholding anything from each other.
You might re-evaluate the agreement, or find that out that hes not remotely jealous.
If You Dont Tell Him…
It might be NBD.
It sounds like youre on at least somewhatfriendly terms with your exes,and maybe he is too.
Then take it from there.
Its fine healthy, even to let behavior and boundaries evolve as your relationship deepens.
It might be nerve-wracking in the moment, but its a beautiful thing.
(Maybe dont actually use that word.)
That is way more likely to happen if you two keep the agreement that nothing be shared.
Theres no one-size-fits-all answer here.
Would this information make your relationship better or easier?
Or is it irrelevant gossip that would just sting?
Either way, its time to let your partner in or let yourself off the hook.
Its A Pleasure appears here once a month.
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