On January 5, 2022, Sandra Carlson planned to end her life.
At 53, she needed a walker to take a few steps.
Even with it, she crashed to the ground.
Her left leg was cold, paralyzed, with searing pain ripping through it.
She took the opioid painkiller Dilaudid at least four times stronger than morphine every day.
The drug barely took the edge off the pain and left her nauseated and fuzzy-headed.
She had lost control of her bowels.
This had been Carlsons life for two years.
I couldnt take any more, she says.
I was absolutely exhausted and tired of hurting.
My life was done.
Then her mysterious condition got even worse.
As a young adult, she regularly jogged two to three miles a day and exercised at a gym.
But she was also no stranger to pain.
Afterward, Carlson stayed busy.
She overhauled her diet and did daily workouts in a swimming pool.
She lost 70 pounds and kept the weight off.
She loved to cook, visit family and friends, play with her beloved dogs and attend church.
Then, in early 2020, she felt a shooting pain in her left leg.
After consulting an orthopedic surgeon, she underwent anotherspinal fusion procedurein June 2020.
But afterward, her pain continued.
Frequent falling
In December 2020, Carlson began falling hard with no warning.
She hoped the problem was solved.
Within about two weeks, the falls were backand now shed lost control of her bladder and bowels.
I dropped,Carlson told us.I had no control.
I just went straight down.
My left leg would give out completely like nothing was there.
Sometimes Id go straight backwards and hit my head on the floor.
July 3, 2021, was really a kicker.
I was in my front yard giving a plant some water.
It was hot outside.
All of a sudden, I went down.
I got myself into the house and I cleaned myself up.
I started making calls.
My neurosurgeons office suggested I go to the emergency room.
Her fear now ratcheted up again, Carlson spent four days in a local hospital, hoping for answers.
She was discharged without a diagnosis.
After taking her home, her husband, Travis Carlson, went to a drugstore to buyincontinencesupplies for her.
I was so embarrassed.
I was in so much pain, and my husband was very concerned.
He didnt know if there was an infection or what the deal was.
They didnt have an appointment.
The nation was in the grip of theCOVID pandemic.
A headline-grabbing surge in cases had filled hospitals beyond capacity across the South.
Some were turning patients away from emergency rooms.
It wasnt long before they turned Carlson away.
Travis couldnt go in [to the hospital] with me because it was still COVID.
I said, Youre not going to do any tests?
I really think this needs to be looked into.
I think because I said that she ran one MRI.
Then we went right home.
Carlson could still move her left leg, but her foot was ice cold.
She was forced to use a cane to get around.
Due to the pain, she was barely getting any sleep.
After she outlined her symptoms, the physician suggested medication to help her get some rest.
They had a lot of compassion for me, a lot of empathy.
I cant treat you.
I had respect for him because of that.
They went way out of their way to help me.
There, Sandra got a clue but still no diagnosis.
Once you do, come back and Ill be more than happy to help you.
She rarely left the house.
Oh, it was the worst imaginable pain.
Like an electrical shock.
It was so bad that I lost my hair.
I broke out in hives.
I just couldnt function.
Bad words came out of my mouth.
I dont take heavy-duty medication.
But I had to be on Dilaudid to survive.
The pain broke through the Dilaudid, and thats some strong medicine.
I would throw it up, but Id still wait several hours to take the next dose.
I didnt want to take too much.
When pain struck, Carlson would grab a black marking pen and trace its route across her leg.
It was always the same.
As a last resort, she had begun trying to diagnose herself.
I could draw the path.
I would go to appointments with the lines marked on my leg.
I wanted them to see it.
