It’s A Pleasure
In our two years together, Ive orgasmed only a handful of times.
Everything is great in our lives except sex issues.
(As a note, hes never had sex with anyone else.)
The problems are:
1.
Weve triedmultiple positions,and creating a more romantic vibe, but nothing has worked as a permanent solution.
He is also not open to using sex toys.
Or (and I think this is more likely) it will deteriorate.
But those things happen to couples whose communication gets better and better, not worse.
Youve already told him, and he doesnt seem to care.
You do not sound like one of them.
(After all, you wrote to Bustle to get help with your sex life.)
So Im going to address this with that perspective that good, satisfying sex is crucial to you.
I am of the same mindset.
If Im only going to be sleep with one person ever again, Id like it to be hot!
Your concerns are valid; subpar sex isnotthe price of a long, loving romantic relationship.
Hes not doing any of the things he says he will.
Its OK for someone to not want to do a certain sex act thats fine!
Be very specific about your sexual desires and needs.
That just doesnt cut it.
The talk could sound something like this: I feel like you arent taking my sexual concerns seriously.
It feels to me like you dont care about my pleasure, only yours.
Can you tell me why you seem unwilling to put in effort here?
Ultimately, for this situation to improve, he needs to embrace tackling this situation head-on.
You have a partner who doesnt seem to care if you are enjoying yourself or experiencing pleasure.
What if youre unhappy in other parts of your life down the road?
Will he help you?
Will he dictate the rules for how you must behave?
Consider the years ahead of you.
Your life will continue like this until you decide to either have a big conversation or walk away.
I firmly believe that your partner shouldwantyou to experience pleasure.
If you agree, this may not be the right person for you.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question,fill out this form.
