It’s A Pleasure
Shes lost interest in me.
The amazing daily sex we once had is out the window.
Q:My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years.
Some days are good…most days are very, very bad.
I have suspicions that shes texting other guys (shes on her phone 24/7).
It gives me nightmares.
What do I do?
What do I say to her?
A:There is never going to be an easy or easier time tobreak up.
Its not worth waiting for a more obvious end to this relationship to appear.
I gently contend thatthings are not going to get much worsethan this.
Your partner doesnt seem to respect you or like you.
She treats you poorly and says hurtful things when she isnt outright ignoring you.
The problem is not you.
Its not your behavior.
Its not your likability or lovability.
The problem is her.
If she were invested in improving your current dynamic, she would be interested in changing her behavior.
The problem is that its a lot easier to change our beliefs than our behavior.
Im guessing that your efforts thus far have convinced you that your girlfriend must be worth the heartbreak.
Unfortunately, given her recent actions, she is not.
Imagine them telling you what you just told me.
Bear in mind that they would love their significant other just as much asyou love your girlfriend.
I suspect you would still tell them they needed to leave, the sooner, the better.
To be sure, relationships are sometimes about being patient with people as they grow.
But they shouldnot and never will be about waiting out cruelty or abuse.
Wonder at how much energy and generosity you showed another person.
Ask yourself why this partnership was so appealing when leaving will ultimately be the happiest outcome.
Consider how you might avoid a similar situation in the future.
Sit with those questions.
Learn from the answers.
Someone who finds it ordinary and obvious to treat you well.
And someone who knows how to put their phone on Do Not Disturb.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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