I saw the motel was full.
Is there any other place to stay nearby?
Theres a few places taking people in, she said.
Let me check around, and Ill get back to you.
Ill be here, he said.
I stared at the stack of money on the table.
It was a start.
Much safer there, mixed among shampoo, soap, and bath toys.
Id need to eventually find a full-time permanent job as well.
For now, Id squirrel away as much money as I could.
Then I swapped that for a five.
All of which had been reported with a smugness I couldve done without.
To simply say Thank you, Mama, for keeping Ollie all day.
I took another deep breath to settle my suddenly queasy stomach and tamp down my anger.
No harm, no foul.
But how many lessons would it take for me to be okay with Ollie being near water?
How long until the paralyzing fear subsided?
Because right now, I didnt see an end in sight.
It seemed easier to stay here.
Easier, that is, than dealing with everybodys condolences and questions and Mamas frostiness.
I pulled bring up the door before Daddy could knock.
He stepped inside and handed me a plastic grocery bag.
I thought they might help set your mind at ease after this morning.
He bent and opened his arms wide, and Ollie went running toward him.
It was her shorthand for granddaddy.
I was learning that toddlers were quite inventive at creating words.
You know whats missing, though?
Her face lit up.
He said, That tractor was mine when I was a boy, then AJs.
Ollie happily dumped the blocks out of her dump truck, then set the tractor in the trucks bed.
She pushed both around the rug, running over the blocks in her path.
My chest swelled with emotion.
This was why Id moved back, I reminded myself.
This was what made the aggravation and fights with my mother worth it.
For Ollie to have these little connections to my family.
In mine as well.
Thank you, I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
She already loves it, as you might see.
He rocked on his heels.
A sure sign something was on his mind.
I waited him out and he finally said, Heard you did some waitressing today.
Id say a lot of waitressing.
The cafe was packed.
I fussed with the stacks of fabric samples Id laid out on the countertop.
I planned to work on Faylenes headband order after Ollie went to bed.
So Mama knows too, then?
Sometimes I despised small towns.
Yet Mama didnt mention a single word about it when she brought Ollie home earlier.
Did you want her to?
When I didnt answer, he added, What are you doing, Natalie?
Why are you working at the cafe, knowing how your mother would likely feel?
I went there to buy a piece of pie, but there wasnt any today.
I stayed because I need a job much more than Mama needs her pride.
I wanted peaceand was willing to give up a lot to make that happen.
If you need money ….
I need to earn my own money.
I see, he said after a moment.
Ive made arrangements with Faylene Wiggins.
She had been more than generous to take on watching Ollie a few days a week.
You do know you could have asked your mother.
I crossed my arms stubbornly.
I couldve asked my mother.
But I hadnt wanted to.
It was as simpleand as complicatedas that.
He cracked a smile.
The flowers came with a sympathy card.
I couldnt help but laugh.
It was either that or lose my mind.
Or getting to know Anna Kate.
This feud with the Callows has gone on long enough.
Ollie rolled the tractor over our feet, then up the side of the coffee table.
She was babbling in her own language as she did so, completely oblivious to the strife around her.
I longed for that kind of peace of mind.
Thats right, I said, hearing the defensiveness in my own voice.
No need to make a big deal about it.
Whos making a big deal?
Obviously, hed picked up on the defensiveness, too.
Daddy started rocking on his heels again.
She has an appointment available next Thursday if you want it.
Instantly suspicious, I said, What kind of colleague?
What kind of counselor?
I clasped my hands together and prayed to the good Lord above for patience.
It might be time for more, he said calmly.
You said yourself youre still having nightmares.
And I heard you had some sort of panic attack in town this morning.
Youve been hearing lots today, havent you?
So help me if hed received flowers, too.
Were you clinging to a lamppost, white as a sheet, or not?
Embarrassment set my cheeks on fire.
Clinging seems a little overexaggerated.
I was merely holding on to the lamppost.
When did your panic attacks come back?
I didnt want to admit that theyd never entirely left, so I shrugged in answer.
He gave me a pointed look.
Also, lets not forget that fight with your mother yesterday …
Which was about her controlling nature, not anything to do with grief.
The decision about swimming lessons should have been mine to make.
I agree, he said.
Then why didnt you side with me last night, when you heard Mama and me arguing?
