She gets candid about the whirlwind media coverage that followed her first Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover in 2012.

Kate Upton has been gracing the covers of magazines (includingShape) for nearly a decade.

Upton said the success felt “incredible” at first.

Kate Upton

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

“It was not great,” Upton told Zakin and Weisberg with a laugh.

“It got to me so much.

I was in a very dark and twisted place.”

“I hated myself,” continued Upton.

“I was really wondering why I would expose myself to this kind of criticism.

I don’t want to be exposed to stuff like this.”

ICYDK, Upton was only 19 years old when she landed her firstSI Swimsuitcover.

she told Zakin and Weisberg of the party.

“That was my last pool party.

“I decided I needed to learn about our bodies,” shared Upton.

“I wanted to know what it was all about.

Why are we working out?

Not to get skinny, ‘cause that couldn’t motivate me anymore.

Because I was just dead inside on that subject.”

Her answer: to be her strongest, best self, she told Zakin and Weisberg.