I found out young.
Soon after, I took the lead role of Mary Ryan onRyan’s Hope.
I became one of the most-watched actresses on daytime television.
And then I found out I was pregnant.
I was single, alone and flooded with terror.
But I knew I would have that baby.
The father of the baby suggested I have an abortion.
My mother was neither physically nor mentally able to help me.
So I decided to give my baby up for adoption.
It was a choice, the only one I could make.
My agent and many of my friends thought I was making a huge mistake.
They handed me this stunt infant and gave me this beautiful monologue.
Millions of people watched that day.
I remember thinking, “If you cry, you will not stop.
So you must not.”
The renunciation of a daughter is not a common thing.
It shaped me, absolutely.
Shortly after the adoption, I began searching for her in earnest.
I even hired a private investigator.
Through the years, early in relationships, I would sometimes tell people about my daughter.
Men, I felt, would find this too much, too hard, too unattractive.
I would throw myself on that spear to gauge their capacity for understanding.
The first man who wanted to explore this with me wasTim Hagan, who later became my husband.
He leaned in across the fire and said, “My God, how that must have cost you.
How did you get through it?”
Then, in 1998, by chance, I ran into the nun who supervised the adoption.
For 20 years, Catholic Charities had refused to give me any information about my daughter.
Sister Una finally relented and sent the adoption registry forms to both my daughter and myself.
