It’s A Pleasure
It seems like sex becomes less important after a few years with the same person.
My sex life is incredibly important to me, even as a single woman.
part of their relationship.Am I being unrealistic?
A:As a fellow certified horny person, I get you.
And I dont think youre being unrealistic at all.
I do, however, think youre beingun petit peu…unimaginative.
There are actually infinity doors.
In many ways, I bet it will be better.
And then youll spend that weekend getting it on at a campsite, never leaving the tent.
Thats how it goes.
Youre trying to ensure you have nomehsex ever.
Im sorry to say, my friend, we all do.
Regardless of your relationship status, you will have periods of loneliness or dissatisfaction.
There is no way around that.
Because if you think about eroticism if you look at the list you wrote!
its not just penetrative sex every day and twice on Sunday.
Its about being able to communicate about intimacy and sensuality with your partner.
Look forsomeone who cantalkabout sex with you,who enjoys sharing fantasies and desires and more with you.
That, unfortunately, can fade.
(Banging against a wall gets harder and harder on your knees as you age.)
Instead, pick a person who has similar sexual values.
A person who thinks about sex the way you do.
Thats the best any of us can do!
Its all there is!
When I first started dating my boyfriend, my imagined ideal for sex was As Much As Possible.
I genuinely felt that frequency was a measure of how well our relationship was going.
My boyfriend was wise enough to suggest that we could simply have sex as often as we like.
If we hung out and didnt have sex, that wasnt some sign that we didnt want each other.
It just meant we were comfortable enough to not need to prove our desire via frantic fingerbanging.
By then wed built up so many other forms of closeness that putting a pause on banging wasnt catastrophic.
It was like, Cant wait to do that again, not, Are we even close anymore?
Is the relationship dying?
Youhave the power to leave a boring relationship.
Libidos wax and wane.
(A reading recommendation:Mating in Captivityby Esther Perel.)
you could and I think should stillmasturbateand read filthy stories andbuy hot lingerieand take spicy photos of yourself.
Your sexuality isnt only reserved for your partner, but also for yourself.
Its very realistic to expect, and require, a partner who knows this.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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