Beauty
Honestly, everyone should try this.
Since I first saw it in mid-October, Sean BakersAnorahas been firmly lodged in my mind.
The pairing is unlikely but not unbelievable youd be hard-pressed not to fall in love with her, too.
The flashy strands make her look just a little more than human, a fairy among mortals.
Itsno secretthat fashion haslong borrowedideas and trends pioneered by sex workers.
WatchingAnora, I wondered if tinsel was about to have a moment.
I wondered if hair tinsel would now become associated with sex work.
I wondered… should I try that?
If nothing else, I figured, Id learn a neat new skill.
I get seven sets of three magenta-ish pink strands, and it takes 20 minutes.
Everyone who walks by is like, Oh, youre getting tinsel!
I send a picture to my mom and she responds oooooh!
This is high praise from my mom.
You live, you learn.
At the party, everyone likes my hair but assumes Im a fairy.
A butterfly cant have cool hair?
Sunday
I sleep till noon-ish and wake up with metallic bedhead.
It does not work.
So far Matilda (the cat) has shown little to no interest in the strands.
I mean, I didnt expect gushing praise, but would it kill her to say I look nice?
And thats that about my cat Matilda.
For some reason, other people dont find her as interesting as I do.
If I were braver, I would have actually been Anora for Halloween.
I saw at least one woman online who did this, but she didnt hair tinsel.
I may be cowardly, but lazy I am not.
I shower the remaining body glitter off but dont wash my hair, which is unusual for me.
White girl discovers concept of Wash Day!
Today its giving rock star, go-go dancer,Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century.
It demands the nighttime.
I catch my reflection and think What am I doing in a T-shirt?
Someone fetch me a Going Out Top.
I wonder: Why dont more people wear casual tinsel casually?
Its less permanent and time-consuming than bleaching or color-streaking and far less laborious than fake eyelashes or lip filler.
Why didTaylor Swift put glitter freckles on her facewhen she could have a rainbow in her hair?
Tuesday
After work, I have a sketch comedy performance.
To prepare, I douse myself in the Blake Lively dry shampoo.
It smells nice but does little, as is true of all dry shampoos.
My female sketch teammates compliment my sparkly pink strands.
A male teammate says, I know this isnt what it is, but I like your… streamers.
Before I can answer, another says, Of course shes OK, look at her hair!
Lesson: Get hair tinsel and people will assume youre happy.
Its like when you do red lipstick and everyone thinks you made up your whole face.
The mind colors in the gaps.
Wednesday
Things are getting dicey.
TMI: Im developing a rash under my right armpit probably from the weekends quickie shave.
Today, I have a writing class, then a friends Nora Ephron-themed cookie swap party.
Girls at the cookie hang are suitably impressed with the tinsel and surprised they are just tied on.
(The stylist used a small tool, but, yes, essentially, they are.)
While Im there, the Dodgers win the World Series.
The correlation here speaks for itself.
Thursday
I wake from a dream about sparkles.
A tinsel comes out as I brush my hair.
I wear a vintage velvet 80s dress I stole from my mom and dark eyeliner and lipstick.
Everyone else is in Amazon-bought tulle or leather and lace.
The birthday girl compliments my hair tinsel.
No one else notices, probably because its dark and the room is packed with queer line-dancing goths.
Friday
I have a job interview Im really nervous about.
Its over Zoom, but still, first impressions are important.
I scrub off the vestiges of the goth makeup, but the tinsel is prominently on display.
I thought I would be asked about it as an ice breaker.
I figured it would make me stand out.
It does not come up.
Ive officially had my hair tinsel for a week!
My best friend comes over to work on a screenplay we are writing together.
She praises my tinsel.
I praise her ability to be eight and a half months pregnant.
Womanhood is a spectrum.
I take another shower, brush my hair, and four more tinsels come out.
Maybe a bit too cool to be true?
So its possible that while the tinsel strands are fun, theyre not a slam-dunk for every occasion.
I spend the day working at home and doing laundry.
My neighbor compliments my tinsel from a full staircase away, which is a new distance record.
My mom tells me about a potentially serious health issue.
Also, Im getting my period.
I also snip a full lock of hair by accident.
(I thought that I didnt need a mirror I very much needed a mirror.)
At least my rash is clearing up a little.
A day spent panicking at home.
I shower for reasons of cleanliness.
The test results come back and my mom (in Northern California) is OK.
I knew the tinsel wouldnt let me down!
More good news: My rash is clearing up.
But my experiment is winding to a close.
Another strand comes out in my brush, leaving just one left.
Compared to my pre-tinsel self, I feel stronger but more tired, my mettle tested through and through.
Which is not, actually, unlike the ending ofAnora.
I totally get that movie.
