Sigh
So sorry for the delay!
For fun/self-examination/self-flagellation, I recently searched my text messages for the phrase sorry for the delay.
A harrowing result: it turns out I actually write so sorry for the delay.
My friends were so sorry, too.
We had no excuses.
We just… *weary sigh.
There are also less obviously noble pursuits.
We ignored friends to scroll strangers accounts which were mostly trash.
We watched medium-bad television.
We ordered a cocktail dress online that may prove to bequite see-throughin person.
We couldnt understand it.
(Do you love her?
This is a really strange space to navigate.
Its contradictory: Communication with our friends is essential and beloved, yet also an interruption.
The phone is the foundation for a lot of modern friendship.
Its not urgent, but its all important.
(For the record, Id qualify urgent as: Which boots should I wear tonight?
and Are you free to be my plus-one tomorrow?
and Boss just scolded me on Zoom, Im furious and sad, can you talk now?)
Avoiding our favorite people in favor of, like, doing laundry can seem incomprehensible we love them.
But I think weve hit upon an aggregate exhaustion.
She lives in Amsterdam now, while Chris is still in Seattle.
What a mild ask.
But to Chris, that didnt really feel like a friendship.
This was like feeding a Tamagotchi, they say.
I also was baffled, like why would you want more people who youre just texting?
I think our phones create an artificial sense of insistence, she says.
They make it so that everything seems like it’s an emergency.
When in fact, most things are not.
She also pointed out that a classic double standard might be at play.
They get it when we take a minute, because often they need a minute, too.
I think the technology itself is what tells us that it is a big deal.
There are sacrifices to always being on your phone, which cant go unacknowledged.
You miss things when youre blasting your brain with so much noise.
One of my favorite writers,Aisha Sabatini Sloan, tells me shes recently cut back on virtual socializing.
I want to be a quiet body in the world, she says.
But that doesnt mean its without real social tolls.
I miss people so much, Aisha says.
Of course I do that.
I get spiky and protective about it!
It feels particularly hard to defend.
Still, we suffer!
But sometimes Im just not in the mood.
And yet, she claims shes unfazed when shes treated that way by, say, me.
Almost everyone I spoke to was totally chill about being occasionally ignored over the phone by their friends.
They actually admired it, they said, and thought it was good for everyone involved.
But I also heard about one sad rupture.
They live in different cities and shed thought their relationship was just naturally fraying as time passed.
I was like, Oh maybe we just like to have our relationships in different realms.
Shes just more [on] the phone, Im just more in person.
Sadly, the friendship proved incompatible.
Ive kept thinking about Aishas summary: Theres going to be a loss either way.
I want no loss!
And maybe this is how my phone has spoiled me.
But thats an illusion.
