[00:00:04] I don’t know what else can be done.
And my mom was so talkative, you couldn’t get her to stop talking.
It’s a complete personality change.
[00:00:21] Bob: Who hasn’t done just about anything for love?
Our need to connect is perhaps our strongest human impulse made so much harder by the coronavirus.
And the power of loneliness, well it might be the world’s strongest motivator.
Heartstrings and broken hearts make us all vulnerable.
Things have gotten so bad the Bureau issues a warning recently just to raise awareness.
Here’s our story, “Addicted to Love.”
[00:01:36] My mom goes out of her way to help anyone.
She has just the biggest heart.
She is so kind, so gentle, I’ve really never ever seen her yell.
She was a nurse for my entire life.
[00:01:57] Bob: You’ve never seen your mom yell?
[00:02:01] No, never, in my entire life.
[00:02:03] Bob: Wow, that’s amazing.
[00:02:04] She gets loud, but I’ve never seen her yell.
(laughter)
[00:02:21] Bob: Christine is 25, and her mom is is 68.
They live in the Midwest.
It’s clear how much Christine loves her mom and her father too.
Growing up now, I, I couldn’t, I couldn’t have any of it.
[00:03:18] Bob: (laugh) Maybe once a year, right?
[00:03:20] Christine: Well yeah, maybe.
But he got sick when he was in the nursing home.
[00:04:34] Bob: Her dad suffered a heart attack and died.
It just felt like a total shift in who she was.
Her whole personality changed.
[00:05:58] Bob: Christine thinks maybe her mom is going through normal grief.
Anything to help Christine’s mom get through the loss of her husband.
Right away, she can tell something is wrong.
Her mom seems obsessed with her phone.
[00:06:48] Bob: And as the days go by, there is something else.
Her mom isn’t sleeping through the night.
[00:07:14] Bob: It feels like her mom has changed personalities overnight.
Shortly after they return home from their vacation, the close-knit family investigates what’s really going on.
[00:07:24] Christine: My brother was looking at her computer, at her phone.
And it was not even coherent English, that’s the worst part.
It feels like something Google Translate would spew out through you.
“I would love to hold you and caress you and your body.
My love, my honey, my dear.
Lots of love and lots of hugs, my lovely, my dear.”
And she didn’t even think that was bizarre because they were responding.
It was, any time she got a response, she would assume that was good.
So she just kept going.
[00:09:33] Christine: Weeks.
And I then realized that she did not have any money left in her savings.
[00:09:41] Bob: Oh my God.
[00:09:42] Christine: She lost her whole cushion very fast.
I mean it was over $300 a month that we were paying for all these dating services.
And that’s just what we know of on her phone.
[00:10:07] Bob: Wow.
Soon, Christine learns the problem is much more serious.
Her mom has been sending money to strangers.
A lot of money.
The most elaborate one is, “My daughter has fallen in love with you.
And my daughter would like to meet you.
She considers you to be her new mother, even though you haven’t met.
She really needs help in school.
It doesn’t even make sense.
That was like $8,000 right then.
I need to spend $50 to pull up the internet.”
[00:11:46] Christine: Multiple people, first of all.
And I said, “No.”
It doesn’t say anything that would imply that it was a real statement.
It just was copy and paste.
And I tried to point that out to her, and she thought I was crazy.
I was trying to control her.
I was being manipulative.
[00:12:31] Bob: The money would be sent in all sorts of ways.
Then bitcoins, then gift cards again, and transferring money from accounts to accounts.
Now she’s taking packages and transferring them to different places, physically moving things.
[00:12:57] Bob: Christine feels just so helpless.
It’s all so painful to watch.
[00:13:15] Christine: It is.
She has taken a title loan out on the car twice.
She has sold multiple things that are important to her, essential items in the house.
It is crazy and absurd to see the length that she’s gone to.
[00:13:58] Bob: And to see the depths her mom is now in.
[00:14:01] Bob: How much money do you think she has lost through this?
[00:14:05] Christine: Over $120,000 for sure.
[00:14:09] Bob: Oh my God.
[00:14:10] Christine: That’s just what I can count because of receipts and transactions.
[00:14:21] Christine: She does not have any more money.
She doesn’t have a bank account anymore either.
She has been flagged from opening accounts.
She 100% believes everything that they’re saying to her.
And she thinks that we are lying.
She doesn’t communicate, she doesn’t talk.
She just is an empty shell until she’s talking to these people and it’s like an addiction.
She gets called all hours of the night; she doesn’t sleep right.
She is constantly outside of the house.
I don’t know how she can do it.
I don’t know how she’s not exhausted all the time.
I don’t know what else can be done.
And my mom was so talkative, you couldn’t get her to stop talking.
It’s a complete personality change, it’s mind-blowing.
[00:16:20] Bob: The pain is deep for Christine.
She feels like she lost both her parents overnight.
[00:16:26] Christine: It really felt like she wasn’t even there anymore.
It, it does feel like still.
I don’t recognize who she is.
She does things that are sneaky and devious, and she never use to do that before.
She was always so honest and open.
She’s not my mom, I’ll tell you that.
It’s very bizarre.
[00:16:47] Bob: I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry.
[00:16:56] Christine: Yeah, I, I told her that too.
And I said, when I lost Dad, I lost you.
The whole family still living in the middle of this nightmare.
And we can also tell you these stories sometimes have a happier ending.
You know, like don’t, well do you want to hear another one that I like?
[00:18:02] Bob: Yes.
[00:18:02] Debbie: “Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
You know, that’s one of my favorites.
[00:18:13] Debbie: (laughs) I’m sorry.
You know, and that was, that was Mom.
Ben was all for it.
She operates a lot on emotion, and a, a great deal of compassion.
We want you to have companionship."
[00:20:02] Bob: Debbie says getting over the death of her husband was really hard.
[00:20:05] Debbie: Truthfully, it took me about five years to get over it.
I know I just, I wanted to die.
But and then you know, he came along, and you know there was possibility.
[00:21:06] Bob: He is Joshua.
A man who started to flirt with her in-between games.
He gives Debbie the attention she hasn’t had in a long time.
[00:21:26] Bob: Joshua has known Debbie for a while.
Had made advances that she’d initially declined in the past.
But he’s persistent and eventually something more intimate develops.
[00:21:44] Debbie: We always texted, 99% of the time we texted.
Well he would call like maybe once a week or once every 10 days or something.
I don’t know.
But I never understood all that.
[00:22:04] Bob: But she doesn’t have to.
Meeting a guy online seems only natural to Debbie.
So he was just friendly.
That was the bottom line.
Well it’s mostly widows, I mean the church I attended, there was very few single men.
[00:22:37] Bob: Plus texting can get very romantic, Debbie says.
And Joshua proves that he listens to her.
Really listens to her.
She hasn’t felt this way in a long time.
I wish we were just watching a movie together," or something.
And he was a great one for remembering stuff that I told him.
[00:24:01] Debbie: Yeah, it was $800 for a nanny for his son.
I mean I even looked at the cousin’s house on Zillow or something, on Google Earth.
[00:24:25] Bob: Hmm.
What were you thinking when he asked for the money?
I, I can’t tell you why.
I guess, well I can tell you why.
[00:24:50] Bob: Things ramp up very quickly.
He went through those, and then uh the last was my IRA.
And that was all of that.
He always was going to pay me back.
So I just kept doling it out.
She even starts shopping for their dream home.
Then, her son has no idea any of this is happening.
[00:26:21] Ben: No, she wasn’t talking about it at all.
And yeah, I, I was oblivious to her having any financial problems.
[00:26:51] Bob: But by now, Debbie’s fever is sky high.
Well, she sent it to Joshua’s friends so they can forward him the money.
[00:27:21] Debbie: Yes, I did.
[00:27:23] Bob: Wow, and that was, that was how, when was that?
It was towards the end probably, right?
[00:27:29] Debbie: Uh, that was, I think around June.
That triggers the phone call which makes Ben realize what’s going on.
Here are all the bills that can’t be paid.
[00:28:22] Bob: He drops everything and races home to see his mom.
[00:28:25] Ben: When I dropped in on her, she wasn’t there.
I came for a visit."
You know, “Where are you?”
“Okay, great.”
Turns out she was actually running around buying STEAM cards for the scammers during that exact moment.
The kitchen table conversation doesn’t go well.
You know, “you’re gonna wanna cut these people off.”
No, Joshua’s, he does love me.
He’s going to pay me back."
And I could not convince her.
That’s next week on The Perfect Scam.
Be sure to find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
For AARP’s The Perfect Scam, I’m Bob Sullivan.
END OF TRANSCRIPT
What do you do when you learn your parent is wrapped up in a scam?
Christines mother is a giving, caring woman who never raised her voice in anger throughout Christines childhood.
But when her mother starts online dating, her personality changes.
Now shes up at all hours of the night texting with a man shes never met.
Shes dismissive and easily angers if family members question the relationship.
Christines mom, it turns out, is addicted to her online relationships forged with multiple scam artists.
Across the country,another family deals with a similar issue.
