I added an extra swipe of mascara to my lashes, freshened my lipstick, and neatened my ponytail.
I hadnt heard from him since this afternoon.
I could drive my Honda or I could drive Rangers Porsche.
Im not talking about that.
Im talking about listening for word about Connie.
We need to have a plan.
One of us should take the cookie table and one of us should float around the room.
Which do you want?Ill float, I said.
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The doors opened and we all rushed inside.
The funeral home had several slumber rooms and a large lobby.
On peak days, like today, the packed lobby became a sweltering torture chamber.
Voices rose and blended into a sound that was something between the roar of Niagara Falls and extreme tinnitus.
She was talking to Ethel Scheck and some other woman.
Another clump of ladies was on the far side of the round table.
I turned and was face-to-face with Bella.You!
she said to me.
Maybe youve been looking for me, eh?
Bella stared at the selection of cookies.
Theres no pignoli here.I cut my eyes to Grandma and saw her smile.
She had the pignoli in her purse.Someone ate my pignoli, Bella said.
I see you hiding behind your worthless granddaughter.
You the one who took my pignoli.Excuse me?
Grandma said to Bella, pushing me aside.
Are you calling me a coward, you miserable old crone?You Hungarian washerwoman, Bella said.
Dont have the cojones like Italian.Oh yeah?
You want a piece of me?
You dont scare me.
Youre just a big bag of wind.Bella turned on me.
What you think, slut?
Am I big bag of wind?
You want a piece of me too?
Put the cuffs on me.
We see what you got.It would be disrespectful to the Leoni family, I said.
Grandma and I were just leaving.You dont care about the Leoni, Bella said.
You care about the eye.
Maybe I make you talk like chicken.
She stuck her arms out.
I give you double whammy.There was a collective, simultaneous gasp from everyone in the room.
It was as if all the air had gotten sucked out of the building and no one could move.
No one could turn away from the spectacle.
The bad Stephanie wanted to punch the hag in the face and drag her off to jail.
Im not going to cuff you, I said.I sensed the crowd relax a little.
People resumed breathing.Bella pulled herself together, marshaling her forces for another attack.
Do it, Bella said, holding her arms out.
Put me in cuffs.
See how my grandson like you then.There was another communal gasp.The funeral director was behind me, restraining Grandma.
For Gods sake, do it, he whispered.
Put her in cuffs and get her out of here.
Im begging you.I reached into my purse, found my cuffs, and clamped them on Bella.
The click of them locking in place was like a thunderclap in the still room.
I imagined everyones eyes bulging out of their sockets, mouths agape.
Probably a television crew was on its way.
I wouldnt be able to give an interview because I would be talking like a chicken.Whats this?
You do this to a defenseless, sick old woman?
What person are you that you do a thing like this.
Your family be ashamed.
Someone get a doctor.
Someone get oxygen.Wheres her daughter?
I asked the funeral director.
Who brought her here?She usually comes alone, he said.Now what?
Do we call for an ambulance?They wont touch her, he said.
Help this sick old lady.
Im being kidnapped.Grandma was behind us.
Put a sock in it, Bella, she said.
Im taking her home.Thats not satisfying but I guess its smart, Grandma said.
You dont have to come back for me.
I can get a ride with Ethel Scheck.
I parked at the curb and went to the passenger side to help Bella out.
I unbuckled her seat belt and Bella hunkered down.You arrested me, she said.
This is the way you want it.
Take me to the police.If I take you in now, youll have to spend the night in jail.
Ill come back for you in the morning.
Well see what they think of you doing this to a poor sick old lady.You arent poor.
And you arent that old.A lot you know, Bella said.
Slut gold digger.Get out.No.Get out!Make me.
Give me bruises so everybody can see.
I rang the bell several times.
I banged on the door.
Okay, go to plan B.
Drop Bella off at Joes house.
She was his grandmother.
He could deal with her.I stepped off the front porch and Bella drove away in the Porsche.
Bella had hit something.Bang!
What the hell?I sprinted down the street and turned the corner.
Tiny flames were licking along the undercarriage.
I wrenched the door open.
My purse tumbled out and Bella followed.
I dragged her away from the car and helped her get to her feet.Are you okay?
I asked.Im tough Sicilian, she said.
This car no good.
I give this car the eye.She touched her finger to her eye and the car burst into flames.
Whoa, she said.
It was followed by a fire truck and a second cop car.
My phone rang and I knew it was Ranger without looking at the caller ID.Im okay, I said.
Your car, not so much.Babe, he said.
And he hung up.I unlocked Bellas cuffs and returned them to my purse.
A couple firemen rolled out a hose and made sure the fire didnt spread to the houses.
Locals were standing in small groups, watching the circus.
An EMT truck arrived and left when they saw Bella.
A uniformed cop approached us.
The tag on his uniform read CHUCK KRIZAK.Who was driving the vehicle?
I dont need one.
you could drive me home.This wasnt going to end well, I thought.
He wasnt going to drive her home.
He was going to test her alcohol level.
And she was going to flunk the test.I called Morelli.
I left a message.
I have a situation here with your grandmother.
Call me when you get this message.I tried calling Morellis mom.
There were now four cops arguing with Bella.
I didnt know any of them.
They didnt look angry.
They looked like they were trying hard to calm Bella down and get her into a squad car.
I walked over to see if I could help.Whats going on?
I asked Chuck.She blew a point eighteen.
I dont know how shes still standing.
Bella said, turning to me.
This all your fault.
You give me bad car.
She stuck her arms out at Chuck.
Put me in handcuffs, too.
Put the sick old lady in handcuffs.
See where that get you.
Take me away to jail.Chuck looked at me.Been here, done this, I said.
Not that it was a current issue because Morelli wasnt showing signs of desiring marriage.
Ranger got out of the Cayenne and walked over to me.
It had really been an awful day.
Yep, I said.Im always amazed at how you never destroy my cars the same way twice.
This one is especially clever the way its impaled on the tree.I cant take credit for it.
I wasnt driving.Anyone hurt?No.Ready to go home?Yes.+++Frequently Ranger comes to my rescue.
It doesnt usually feel like a rescue, because I almost always know that I could rescue myself.
Ranger knows this as well.
Its kind of like killing a spider.
Especially if he gets off on killing the spider.
And of course, Id be happy to rescue Ranger if he ever needed rescuing.
In this case giving me a ride home wasnt much of a rescue.
It was more of a chance to talk business.He drove out of the Burg and paused at Hamilton Avenue.
If he turned right, the road would take us to my house.
If he turned left, it would lead to Rangeman.
Lula and I covered all his known haunts, and we didnt see him.
I asked him.Whoever you were talking to used a throwaway burner phone bought at a Walmart in Oklahoma.
We were able to trace it through the carrier.
All the information they gave to the carrier was bogus.
The drone returned to a location a half mile away from where you were sitting.
I need the coin tomorrow morning.
I dont see that happening.Put up another sign that tells them youre still working on it.
If they read the sign with a drone, it makes life more complicated.My phone buzzed.
It was Morelli.Was that a serious message about Bella?
They said they were taking her away for evaluation.
Not sure what that means.
She hit three parked cars and a tree.
When the police showed up, she blew a point eighteen percent and threatened to give them the eye.
Then she insisted they arrest her.
So, they did.Was she hurt?No.Is there more to the story?
Morelli asked.Yes, but you dont want to hear it now.
I imagine you want to see whats going on with Bella.
Chuck Krizak was the arresting officer.I know him.
Hes a good guy.He tried to be helpful, but Bella wasnt cooperating.No surprise there.
What about your car?It wasnt my car.
It was Rangers 911.
It got impaled on the tree, caught fire, and melted down to a glob of black goo.
If you dont want Bella spending the night in jail, youre going to have to call Vinnie.
For a price he can get Judge Luca out of his La-Z-Boy chair to set bail for her.
I didnt have any luck reaching your mother.Ranger looked over at me when I disconnected.
Bella drove off in the Porsche?Yes, and I didnt tell Morelli the best part.
She was making a scene at the viewing, and I was asked to remove her.
The woman is a maniac.
I would have had to destroy it after that anyway.Ranger humor.
Or maybe not.My thoughts moved from Bella to Connie.
I was finding it hard to muster optimism.
I was bottomed out on positive energy.Im screwing up, I said to Ranger.
I havent made any progress at getting Connie released.Its a process, Ranger said.
Have faith.If I had faith, Id be a better Catholic.Ranger reached over and wrapped his hand around mine.
Okay, so maybe he did rescue me sometimes.
Anyway, I liked it.
And when its Ranger holding your hand, you get all warm inside and fear goes away.
He walked me to my apartment and stepped inside with me.Rex was awake and running on his wheel.
He stopped running and blinked his shiny black eyes when the light went on.
I took a shelled walnut from the jar on the kitchen counter and dropped it into Rexs cage.
Rex scurried over to the walnut, stuffed it into his cheek, and disappeared into his soup can.
He spun the barrel.
He looked at me.
he asked.Yes, I said.
No.Want me to decide?No!
And Lula says kissing is cheating.What do you think?
Ramon has a visual of two men.
One of them is carrying what looks like a drone case.
Some are owned by individual property owners.
Some are city of Trenton.
Ranger isnt hamstrung by rules and regulations and privacy issues.
Ranger just hacks into whatever system he thinks will be helpful.Im going back to Rangeman, he said.
I want to see what weve got.
Do you want to come with me?I hesitated.
You might as well make the most of it.Tempting, I said, but Im going to stay here.
Keep me in the loop.+++Morelli called at midnight.
Bellas home, he said.
She said she wanted to go to jail.
She would never put the eye on me.
Shed put the eye on you in a heartbeat.
I pulled up a map of Trenton and zeroed in on the area where the drone supposedly landed.
I switched to satellite view and examined the buildings.
This was all commercial real estate, packed together.
No yards or parking lots.
None of the buildings appeared to have balconies, so the drone probably landed on a rooftop.
He would be tapping into internal security cameras on the building and checking out cars parked on the street.
He had pictures of suspects.
I gave myself a mental head slap.
I should have gone back to Rangeman with him.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
On the other hand, I was virtuous.
I hadnt done the big thing.
And its not as if I would have been any help.
I would have been a bystander.
Okay, so it was a wash.
