Are you going to work?
What day is it?
Isnt it Saturday?Im not working today, he said.
I have to get home to Bob.
Hes used to going out first thing in the morning.
I should have brought him with me, but I wasnt thinking ahead.
Come home with me and Ill make you breakfast.Im not up for breakfast yet.
Arent you tired?No, but Im a little sore.
I think I pulled a muscle on one of my new ideas.No kidding.
I had a pretty good idea which muscle.
An hour later I was still awake.
I had a lot on my mind.
Kidnapping, torture, death, Costa Rica.
I can give up Benji, Beedle, and Sparks to the FBI.
Theres also the chance that Benji, Beedle, and Sparks will go to jail.
This would be ugly for Benji, Beedle, and Sparks.
Yes.I would have to eliminate the bad guys.Yes.
Put the sign in the window.+++The office was dark when I parked at the curb.
Lula usually showed up halfway through the morning on Saturday.
Vinnie showed up never.
I unlocked the door, switched the lights on, and made coffee.
I didnt want to drink it.
I wanted to smell it.
It humanized the office.
It made things feel a little more normal.
I got the i have it sign from the storeroom and taped it on the window.
I texted Lula and told her to bring doughnuts.
Doughnuts made everything better.
I sat in Connies chair and opened her computer.
I waded through the junk mail, the invoices, and the threatening letters to Vinnie.
There were two new FTAs.
Grand theft auto and armed robbery.
Both carried a high bail bond.
Ordinarily Id have been all about them, but right now I just wanted a doughnut.
Actually, I wanted a miracle.
I looked out the front window and saw Lula park the red Firebird behind my Honda.
You usually sleep in on Saturday.I couldnt sleep.
I kept wondering if you put the sign in the window.
You got an assortment.
What happened to all the Boston creams?I felt like we needed some color today.
I imagine Ranger is doing surveillance, I said to Lula.
Did you notice any vans when you parked?No, but I wasnt looking for any either.
There was grand theft auto.
Held up a convenience store on Stark Street.Lula took another doughnut.
This is boring, sitting here waiting for some fool to call.
Its going on six days.
It goes on this long and theres things that come into consideration.
Like, whos doing Connies laundry?
And what happens if its her time of the month?
I asked him.I want to hear that you have the right coin.I have the right coin.
He never stays on long enough to get traced.My phone rang again, and it was a different voice.
Youll find her in the cemetery on Third Street.
Shell be at the gate.What about the coin?The connection was broken.
They didnt want the coin.
Theyd gotten the number off the photo.I grabbed my messenger bag.
Shes at the cemetery gate on Third.My phone buzzed with a text message from Ranger.
Got your back.The cemetery was ten minutes away.
After three minutes on the road, I got another text from Ranger.
We have her sighted.
Holding back for you to pick up.
Lula asked.I wiped my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
Yeah, Im fine.
I checked my rearview mirror.
I was being followed by a shiny black SUV.
Is that a Rangeman car behind us?
Or is it the bad guys?Lula turned and looked.
Tanks driving.I made an effort to relax my grip on the wheel.
I took a couple deep breaths.
I turned onto Third and I saw Connie at the cemetery gate.
She was holding on, leaning into it.
She was disheveled and looked disoriented.
Lula was right behind me.I wrapped an arm around Connie and hugged her close to me.
Are you okay?I dont know, she said.
Ranger was running security for us, and I had total confidence in him.
Still, I didnt want to waste time putting distance between us and the pickup point.
I got behind the wheel and headed for St. Francis Medical Center.
I was driving fast and sneaking through red lights when possible.
By the time I pulled into the emergency room driveway, Connie was fully coherent.
I got out and ran around to help her out of the car.Connie waved me away.
The drugs wearing off, she said.
I dont need the hospital.
I need coffee.Are you sure?
It wouldnt hurt to get checked out.No.
Im feeling much better.
I dont want to get poked and prodded in the ER.
I want a shower and some clean clothes and a decent cup of coffee with real half-and-half.
Just take me home.Taking her home might not be a good idea, Lula said.
Her mothers gonna freak out when she sees her like this.I was thinking the same thing.
Plus, I wanted to talk to her.
I could take her to my apartment, but I didnt have real half-and-half.
I could take her to Rangeman, but it might be an uncomfortable environment after being held captive.
That left my parents house.I parked in their driveway, and our Rangeman escort parked down the street.
Lula and I walked Connie across the small front yard and into the house.
The living room was empty because my father spent Saturday morning playing bocci ball with his lodge buddies.
Grandma was at the dining room table with her computer.
What can I get you?
Tea?Coffee, Connie said.Have you eaten?
Would you like a sandwich?
Entenmanns coffee cake?In minutes Connie had fresh-brewed coffee laced with half-and-half and Jack Daniels.
Grandma asked Connie.She yelled at me for giving her a fright, Connie said.
Ill have to put them on the menu next week.We all sat around the table with Connie.
No one else ate anything.
I asked Connie when she finished the soup.It was bad, Connie said.
I was stun gunned and drugged.
When I came around, I was in a small dark room.
There was a cot with a single blanket and a chemical toilet.
One door that was locked.
They took my watch and my purse, so I had no way to tell time.
I tried to keep track of the days by counting the meals.
They were always masked.
After the first day they never talked to me.
Toward the end I could tell they were angry.
Sometimes Id hear them shouting, but it was muffled, and I couldnt tell what they were saying.
Did they do anything to hurt you?Only the first day, and it could have been worse.
They burned my arm with one of those click-and-flame things you use to light candles.
She pulled the bathrobe sleeve up to show us the scars.
I was stun gunned from behind when I was opening the back door to the office.
They dragged me inside, and when I was able to talk, they quizzed me about the coin.
Id never seen the coin so I couldnt tell them anything.
They found the fire starter in the junk drawer.
That was the first time they burned me, but I couldnt tell them anything.
I was stun gunned again, handcuffed, and they wrapped a towel around my head and duct-taped it.
I could barely breathe.
I know I was in a car.
I asked her.I was stun gunned and drugged.
I dont remember anything from the ride.
I was really out of it when I started to come around.
Your mom is going to tell Mabel Shigatelli right off.
Connie asked.I didnt go to the police, I told her.
I went to Ranger for help.
Do you want to hear it now?Freakin A, she said.
I want to know every detail.
I was smiling so wide my cheeks hurt.
Connie was back.+++I took Connie home, and Lula and I went to the office.
We walked in and my phone rang.Wheres the money?
he said.I got a chill and had to take a beat to steady my voice.
I want the money.
Where is it?Are you talking about the coin?
You didnt want it.
Is that clear?Yes, but I looked over at Lula.
He hung up.Rude, Lula said.
No manners.I called Morelli and told him Connie was back home.And?
Morelli said.And the kidnappers are unhappy with me.How unhappy?Very unhappy.
They want their money.
I feel like celebrating.Im good at celebrating, Morelli said.
Do you have plans for tonight?I dont know.
Do you have any ideas that didnt get road tested last night?No.
Tonight will have to be oldies-but-goodies night.Works for me.
Your place at six oclock.
Ill bring pizza.I hung up and wondered if Ranger was listening in.
He had software that looked for certain numbers and blocked others.
He was picking up calls that had been transferred to my phone from the office number.Now what?
Are you going home to rest up for tonight?No.
I bet it was Thor!I think I read it in a fortune cookie.
Who are we going to find today?We could go after the moron who stole the fire truck.
That could be fun.I pulled his file out of my messenger bag.
Lives with his parents.I hate to lock a kid up over the weekend, Lula said.
What about the armed robbery guy?Sylvester Brown.
Lots of tattoos and piercings.
Lives on Sally Street.He wouldnt be expecting us on a Saturday afternoon, Lula said.
I glanced at our cars.
Do you want to drive?Hell no.
Im not putting some smelly beer-drinking idiot in my Firebird.
Its not as bad as Stark Street, but its not Rodeo Drive, either.
Theres a bunch of little bungalows in not such good condition all packed in together.
One of my friends from a previous life used to live there.
She just disappeared and never came back.
Browns house was on the third block.
It was a tiny bungalow with stucco siding and a shingle roof.
Small hardscrabble front yard.
A driveway but no garage.
A backyard that was enclosed with chain-link fence.Probably got a big dog in the backyard, Lula said.
Theres always a big dog with these houses.
And bars on the windows.What do we know about Mr. Brown?
I asked Lula.It says here on his bond tool that hes in the music business.
Hes twenty-eight years old.
Has some priors for petty theft.
Did a couple months on destruction of personal property.
No details on that.
Looks like his girlfriend turned him in on the armed robbery charge.I parked and unbuckled my seat belt.
Lula was standing beside me.Theres no doorbell, she said.
Well have to do it the old-fashioned way.Bang, bang, bang.
Lula hammered on the door.A scrawny guy opened the door and looked out at us.
Thats a good one.
He looked over his shoulder and yelled, Francine, come here.
You gotta see this.Francine shuffled over and squinted at us.
These two chicks came to haul my ass back to jail.
Big enough to kick your fat ass.Excuse me?
Youre a stick with a little dick.You want to see my dick?
I got a dick that could choke a horse.I couldnt believe this was happening.
This was turning into a dumpster fire.
We dont want to see your dick.
Im sure its perfectly frightening.What then?
How about my ass?
You want to see my ass?
he said.I dont want to see that either, I said.
And you get one of them greasy breakfast sandwiches for breakfast.Im a vegan, he said.
I dont eat that shit.Get the heck out, Lula said.
Everybody knows vegans dont do armed robbery.
Youre a fibber.I had cuffs tucked into the back of my jeans.
We got guns, too.
I got one in my purse.
Stephanie, show them your gun while I make a run at find mine.This is ridiculous, I said.
Nobody is doing any shooting.
Im on it.I ran out the door after her.
I was close behind Lula.
She took a flying leap and tackled Brown, taking him to the ground.
she yelled at the shepherd.
Do you see what you did?
This heres one of my favorite outfits.
Whos gonna pay for this?
Do you think this idiot laying on the ground is gonna pay for it?
Hed have to rob another store.The dog was holding its ground and growling.And thats another thing, Lula said.
You want to stop the growling.
you’re gonna wanna sit there and be quiet while we sort this out.
Sit!Crazy fat bitch, Brown said.
I sprained my ankle.
Maybe I broke it.I got the other cuff on Brown and Francine joined us.
Good tackle, she said to Lula.
Sorry about your dress.Sweetie Pie?
Lula said.Francine bent over and made a smooshie face at Sweetie Pie.
Hes Mommys dumpy lumpkin.We helped Brown hobble to my car, and we stuffed him into the backseat.
The gray Rangeman car was idling behind me.
Or sooner if you need me.I wasnt planning on needing anyone.
Okay, maybe Morelli.
I was going to head home and take a shower.
At six oclock Id bring a couple pizzas to Morellis house, and Id spend the weekend there.
If the weather was nice, Id talk him into going to the shore.
With any luck the kidnappers would realize the money was a lost cause and get on with their lives.
