Only when all that is handled can they live their own lives.
To reveal the full span of their devotion, challenge and frustration, AARP interviewed dozens of caregivers.
Heres a glimpse of life from their perspective.
I knew my wife was home so I rushed over.
The door would only open about 2 inches because my wife was on the floor.
Norma was alive, but shed had a massive stroke at the age of 48.
Pneumonia, a heart condition, hospitalizations, mild cognitive impairment that kept getting worse.
My mothers car got stuck in a puddle one day and she opened the door and it flooded.
Thats when she stopped driving completely.
Her circle kept getting smaller.
I had to step in.
But then Id come home and find bizarre things.
He broke a plate and tried to glue it with Gorilla Glue and got glue everywhere.
Another day he took it upon himself to repair the deck by drilling in random screws.
Don was a Boeing engineer but now he didnt have any idea what he was doing.
Somebody had to watch him.
One day he came in and just dropped from an aneurysm.
We live in rural Texas.
He had to be airlifted.
If I wasnt there, he would have died.
Taking care of her wasnt a choice.
Its been my reality every day for 37 years.
He was 24 and had suffered brain injuries they said would be permanent.
I realized this was going to be a long journey but I committed to it.
In that instant, I let go of whatever I thought the future looked like.
The confusion of care options
Laura Crews:I didnt know what to do, honestly.
I just started searching online for caregiver.
You call places and everybody says, Yes, yes, we can help.
But I never really felt good about these conversations.
Everything felt like a sales pitch.
Then my neighbor said, Hey, I know this older lady who might help.
Shes been with us ever since.
Karen Mason:You piece it together.
Family, hired help, respite care.
No way was I putting my daughter in a nursing home.
Chandeliers, baby grand pianos.
But the care was deplorable.
I had a patient dying of cancer.
Queen Anne bedroom set and all that.
But they didnt change her sheets.
She couldnt feed herself but theyd leave food and walk away.
We found an inpatient facility nearby with six bedrooms.
We simply couldnt afford it.
I wish we had.
My single mom passed away.
Im an only child and my grandmas an only child so my grandmas care fell to me.
Right before COVID, she got pneumonia and went into the hospital.
There was this defining moment when I had two choices: Take her home or send her to rehab.
But I knew if she went to rehab, shed probably end up staying there.
The closest was about 50 miles away.
It was all on me.
Even his neurologist told me I should put him in a home.
I just wasnt going to do that.
You think you know about love but you really dont until you have to take care of somebody.
The financial maneuvering
Laura Crews:Right now were OK, but who knows?
Don has a pension from Boeing, hes getting Social Security, Im still working.
But most of my salary and then some goes to the lady who watches him during the day.
Ive had to buy a hospital bed, a lift chair.
I pay an extraordinary amount for an expensive medication he needs.
I wish we would havegotten long-term care insurance.
Carol McCarrick:That little helicopter ride was $25,000.
While Steve was in the ICU, I had to have the house completely redone.
Doors enlarged, bathrooms overhauled, carpets up.
It took all our savings, about $80,000, before he could even come home.
