Enjoy the first chapter ofBig Friendship,about how they first met.
Like any great American love story, ours began at prom.
Aminatou recognized a few names on the email invitation but had never met any of the other guests.
Her college bestie, Brittany, had made it for her.
“How did you two meet?
Romantic couples are probably asked this question most often.
But friendship origin stories are no less powerful.
A look of excitement crosses friends faces when they’re especially pleased with their own version of events.
We can learn so much about someone by the way they talk about their friends.
And we can learn a lot about a friendship from a joint recounting of its beginning.
Are they brand-new friends who are obsessed with each other right now?
Have they known each other for decades?
Did they used to be lovers?
Is there some unevenness to their narratives, as if one person is more invested than the other?
It’s all revealed in the telling of their story.
But the truth is, it may have been inevitable.
Aminatou’s apartment was a 15-minute walk away from Ann’s.
We worked a few blocks apart too.
Wherever this woman was going, Ann wanted to tag along.
Dayo was a small-talk queen with irrepressible energy who somehow managed to turn boring How’s work going?
questions into intense philosophical debates.
Meanwhile, Aminatou knew Dayo from work.
Or rather, she knew of Dayo.
They hadn’t crossed paths yet, but Aminatou had been called Dayo more than once.
They debated African diaspora issues.
They realized they were into the same foreign movies and music.
Clearly, this was going somewhere.
Oh my god, you better meet my friend Ann, Dayo thought.
A few weeks later, she sent Ann a message about organizing aGossip Girlviewing party.
DAYO: I really really like this girl aminatou
ANN: i’m excited to meet aminatou sow.
what’s the drills with gossip girl?
she’s a big fan
A plan was hatched: Dayo would host and invite Aminatou.
But thinking through this now, there was a lot more intention to it.
She knew before we did that we needed to be in each other’s lives.
It’s hard to remember who we were that night at Dayo’s house, before we were friends.
We didn’t just meet each other that night.
We began the process of making each other into the people we are today.
It’s impossible to untangle us.
Day to day, our friends influence our tastes and our moods.
We grow in response to each other, in ways both intentional and subconscious.
Behind every meet-cute is an emotional origin story, one that answers a deeper question.
Not How did you two meet?
but Why did you become so deeply embedded in each other’s lives?
“We met at a friend’s house is the superficial narrative we tell to strangers.
We were both figuring out how to set a course for where we were hoping to go.
And in each other, we found someone who already understood who we wanted to be.
From BIG FRIENDSHIP by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman.
Copyright 2020 by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman.
Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster.
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