While not romantic, over the course of a year they develop a deep friendship.
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[00:00:16] Bob: This week on The Perfect Scam.
[00:00:34] Bob: What was it like to have to tell your sons that?
That sounds just awful.
[00:00:38] David Andreas Brown: Probably uh, the hardest thing I ever had to do.
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[00:00:46] Bob: Welcome back to The Perfect Scam.
Im your host, Bob Sullivan.
And friends, well they can come from unexpected places.
It cost him almost everything.
He was forced to live in his car.
And he found healing when he started to help others facing the same kind of rock bottom.
[00:01:55] Bob: And this relationship began the way so many relationships do nowadays.
He went online looking for love on a dating website.
Ultimately, that did not happen, and we became friends.
[00:02:28] David Andreas Brown: Oh, my gosh, She told me about her family.
I would tell her about my family.
She would tell me about her work and I would tell her about my work.
And again, it was a, it seemed like a complete friendship.
[00:03:00] Bob: But after a year of chatting, something goes wrong.
And I said, well, explain it to me.
[00:03:26] Bob: She said she needed about $100 at first.
And then ultimately, her grandmother had to move in with her.
[00:03:59] Bob: After Grandma moves in, things get complicated fast.
This was in the Philippines and they describe sort of the, that country as the provinces.
[00:04:57] Bob: In fact, it was more than a loan.
If the land deal proceeded, David would end up with an interest in the property.
This happened to be a, a description of the land and appraisal.
That’s when the serious money requests began to come in.
Things are complicated, and COVID makes things even more complicated.
And there are fees associated with those approvals within the Philippine government.
[00:06:46] Bob: And, and so what kind of money are we talking about?
[00:06:49] David Andreas Brown: Maybe $10,000.
And then it, it grew from there.
One of the things that happened really was COVID.
And now more fees accrued.
[00:07:29] Bob: But at this point, David is determined to help his friend.
[00:07:34] David Andreas Brown: Yes.
There were a couple of things.
I’d always been a problem solver.
That’s what I did, that was my entire career.
And so this became a problem for me to solve.
Ultimately, about a half million dollars.
How many transactions do you think?
[00:09:25] David Andreas Brown: A hundred.
[00:09:27] Bob: A hundred?
Yeah, so almost, almost one a week or so.
[00:09:30] David Andreas Brown: Yes.
[00:09:32] Bob: By now, David has exhausted all his personal resources.
He’s borrowed from family and friends and his own financial life starts to spiral out of control.
All we needed was to do one more thing and it would finish.
And so ultimately, I was evicted from my condominium because I couldn’t pay the rent.
[00:10:51] Bob: Wow.
What was it like to have to tell your sons that?
That sounds just awful.
[00:10:55] David Andreas Brown: Probably uh, the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Because I kept thinking that it was going to get paid, right?
They kept telling me, it’s okay.
Youre going to get your money.
[00:11:31] Bob: How old were your sons at this point?
[00:11:32] David Andreas Brown: They were in their 20s, early 20s at that point.
Uh, and I sent this all to these, to these people.
[00:12:13] Bob: And then finally, one day David’s whole world really comes crashing down.
[00:12:21] Bob: Okay, so August 12th, 2020, right?
[00:12:24] David Andreas Brown: Yes.
[00:12:24] Bob: Everything changed?
And I went back to him and said, “Look, the attorney says we need more.”
And he said, “Wait a minute.”
The property didn’t exist, the uh, all the documentation didn’t exist.
The law firm didn’t exist.
The banking documents were all, were all fraudulent that we had received.
And so and he told me it was just a, it was all a lie.
[00:13:13] Bob: And that news sends David into a deep spiral.
[00:13:25] David Andreas Brown: It was.
And I was into the planning the methods phase.
I, I just, I can’t say enough about them.
They gave me medication that kind of settled me down.
I, I didn’t know what to do.
I had to relearn that.
That’s what we have to do.
That’s what I learned.
But it isn’t easy.
[00:16:48] David Andreas Brown: Well, it took a long time.
I mean literally I would, I would go places and I would just cry.
I mean I didn’t know what else to do.
[00:17:41] David Andreas Brown: Throughout my life I’ve practiced meditation.
And uh, it, it became, meditation became kind of a life saver for me.
I found a meditation about forgiveness.
And so that forgiveness, once, so that’s what I had to do.
[00:19:03] David Andreas Brown: I got a job as a substitute teacher.
[00:19:06] Bob: Hmm, oh wow.
I was glad to be able to go home at night.
So, so that, that brought me back and then I got another teaching job.
[00:19:38] David Andreas Brown: And David makes another big decision.
He decides he wants to help people who are struggling with the same issues that he did.
The intent is that, is that I can help other people who have suffered like I have.
There’s a way out of that.
It takes time and it takes work, but there is a way out.
You’ve got to reach outside of yourself.
And, and that’s kind of the process.
I didn’t even have any use for myself.
You’ve got to recreate your life.
You’ve got to create a vision for your life that, that you want to grow into.
Just saying I don’t want to be where I was is, that’s only half the solution.
You’ve got to say, okay, I have a reason to live.
I want to help others.
You know I want to have; I want to live in a nice place again.
I want to go dancing again.
I want to go skiing again.
I’ve been a skier all my life, and I want to go skiing again.
[00:23:11] Bob: You’ve got to keep fighting for it.
And a big part of that fight might mean reaching out to get help.
Victims of crimes often have much more than money stolen from them.
So to get help in a place like that support groups can play an important role.
[00:24:29] Bob: How long did you work for the FBI?
[00:24:43] Bob: I asked Debbie what she thought of David’s recovery.
I think that’s what I was most impressed with.
And we found a VA counselor who had some time, and she volunteered her time.
They rarely get that kind of closure.
And, and we see it every day.
[00:26:54] Bob: How do victim support groups work?
Those kinds of things are discussed.
And then there’s usually a section for resources.
Where do you go to get that kind of help?
And so talking about some of those kinds of measures and things can be important.
And again, this is, these are no charge.
There’s no charge to the groups.
How to deal with relationships that they’re in.
All these kinds of things can be relevant to that situation.
And then just reconnecting again with the world.
[00:30:49] Debbie Deem: Exactly.
There really is nothing like hearing from someone else whose been in a similar situation.
[00:32:24] Bob: I asked Debbie to describe a success story from one of her support groups.
So she was financially devastated, very much like the situation of, of your victim on this story.
But that person didn’t want her there for a long time.
She lived in a pretty wealthy community where there isn’t a lot of cheap housing.
She was able to find another place to live.
And so this reengaging with community is sort of the antidote to the crime, isn’t it?
[00:34:50] Bob: So, where can people find victim support groups?
[00:34:55] Debbie Deem: First of course is AARP’s REST program.
I really recommend that.
You know I think that’s a great one, both for family members as well as victims.
It’s available for anybody of any age, and I really encourage people to look into that one.
It is specific to people that are victims of romance imposter frauds.
[00:35:42] Bob: Social media has some good opportunities too, Debbie says.
My life is full again.”
He joined a hiking club for seniors.
Or just taking that walk.
And, and it helps them heal.
What is it about helping others that makes us feel better?
And he had kept believing this and getting in deeper and deeper in this.
So he helped this second man realize that he needed to stop contacting immediately with this fraud criminal.
I’m not going to give any more money in this fraud.
And again, it’s part of your own recovery is to help someone else through theirs.
[00:41:41] Bob: Part of your recovery is to help someone else through theirs.
Such a powerful message, and one that David fully agrees with.
[00:41:50] Bob: Would you recommend to victims of scams that they seek out support groups?
[00:41:55] David Andreas Brown: Yes, and I’m going to say especially 12-step groups.
And the reason I say that is because these people don’t want anything from you.
And it, it’s great relief to be able to be honest and talk about this stuff honestly.
It, if you hide it away, it just eats at you.
[00:42:32] Bob: So how are you today?
[00:42:33] David Andreas Brown: Things are pretty doggone good.
And now, you know I, I just see this abundant future for myself.
And, and I, I feel good, I, honestly, I feel great.
And I’m excited about doing that.
I’m, you know, it’s all right.
What, what do you want them to take away from hearing you?
[00:43:37] David Andreas Brown: I’d say even at your lowest point, that’s okay.
You’re okay right where you are.
There are other people just like you and you just have to reach out.
I guess that’s the first one.
Reach out for help.
There are resources out there that can help you no matter how where you are.
Call or visit the AARP website at aarp.org/fraudsupport to learn more about the REST program that Debbie mentioned.
That’s REST, R-E-S-T, which stands for Resilience, Strength, and Time.
Call the AARP Fraud Watch internet Helpline at 877-908-3360.
Their trained fraud specialists can provide you with free support and guidance on what to do next.
That address again is: theperfectscampodcast@aarp.org.
Be sure to find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
For AARP’s The Perfect Scam, I’m Bob Sullivan.
